Forgiveness

I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. Giving and receiving and the imports of both, and though I am no where close to having perfected these thoughts I decided that it would be beneficial to write down and share some of my thoughts.

I figure the place to start would be to discuss the role of the offender. As an offender trying to make amends asking for forgiveness is of utmost importance. In our desire for perfection we must ask forgiveness, but why? Why is someone else's opinion of us so important? The fact is that asking for forgiveness isn't about receiving it, it isn't about changing the offended's opinion about us; but rather it's about recognizing our own short comings and faults. For instance if I have a problem with stealing the first thing that I need to do is to return that which I have stolen and next must ask forgiveness. No matter if I never steal again, no matter if I'm never tempted again as long as I refuse to ask forgiveness I deny any wrong doing on my part. I leave a sliver of the sin or mistake in me to fester. Asking forgiveness is about humbling ourselves and rooting out all parts of the sin that is inside of each one of us. Failure to ask forgiveness will ruin all progress we make to rooting out the flaws in our character and will only reinforce our prideful natures, and there is nothing more harmful than pride. Therefore receiving forgiveness isn't as important as the act of asking for it. For the offender asking is all that's important. If I ask forgiveness I don't care if the other person forgives me. If the refuse to forgive that is there problem not mine. Which leads to giving forgiveness.

If asking forgiveness is the most important thing an offender can do than giving it is the most important thing the offended must do. I say must because it isn't a question of should I or shouldn't I, it is a matter of necessity. I have often wondered at the command that we are given in the Bible and elsewhere to forgive our debtors, to forgive everyone and why we should. Are we commanded to forgive so that we ourselves learn mercy? Yes, but that's not the prime reason. Are we commanded to forgive because it isn't our place to pass judgment but rather that role belongs to someone else? Yes, but that's not the prime reason. So what is the prime reason? I believe the reason we are commanded to forgive isn't for the forgiven but for us. Think back to a time where giving forgiveness came slowly for you, how did you feel? When I think about the times where I have given forgiveness grudgingly I remember how the offense ate at me. Me the one that was offended and not the one that caused the offense. It is a sick twist of fate that when we are affronted that remember the insult causes us further harm, maybe even more harm than the original offense. This is why we are commanded to forgive, so that the mote of a single insult doesn't coalesce into a beam of anger, hatred, and worse--vengeance. One of my favorite lines from the Doctrine and Covenants is found in the ninth verse of section 64 and I quote, "Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin." I think this says it perfectly, if we fail to forgive we are the condemned, we are the damned.

In conclusion my greatest fear is that I will be too proud to ask for forgiveness and that when it is asked of me I will be too vain, too ignorant, too stupid to give it freely. I fear that even should I give it with my lips that I will retain the offense and let it poison my relationships with others in the future. To retain the offense is a failure to forgive and I will stand condemned, I will falter and stumble in my desire to achieve perfection, and I would dare say that there are those in my family, in addition to me, that are failing to forgive and to forget. Again failure to forget and move on is a failure to forgive.